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2 Life Lessons from a Wife of 2 Years

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Two days ago, my husband, Bio, and I celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary.  That’s equivalent to about 12 ‘single years.’  Seriously, marriage is like taking a crash course on everything I thought I knew.   I’ve learned so much I often feel like I can start my own counseling practice.  Bio thinks otherwise.  He says “we haven’t earned our stripes yet.”  I say “C’mon, we have at least one or two war stories we can share!”  Only a few days have to pass before a minor communication blunder convinces me – I know nothing!  So the following is NOT marital advice – rather 2 life lessons I’ve learned after being a wife for a whole 2 years.  These lessons apply to singles, married couples, divorcees and even those with the relationship status, ‘it’s complicated.’

1. God Wants To Change Me (and has hired my spouse as an independent contractor)

I just learned this last Saturday.  Bio and I attended a marriage seminar and the presenter said “If God wanted you to stay the same, He never would have coupled you two together.”  I thought about it and although the concept wasn’t brand new, it hit me like never before.  As a single person, I woke up, ate, went to work, went to church, ministered, gigged, went out of town, spent money, saved money, and planned my future all to the beat of my own drum.  I was whole.  I was complete.  But complete doesn’t mean perfect.  

Diamonds are a great example.  They’re made in nature, so even the most expensive, “flawless” ones have imperfections.  As a matter of fact, one of the indications that a diamond is fake is if it appears (under microscope) to be perfect.  Like diamonds, we are fearfully and wonderfully made, but have natural, sinful proclivities.  God loves us too much to leave us the same.  He refines us through various means, such as parental guidance, friendships, and if in His will, marriage.

One of the biggest changes I’ve made since being married is in my speech. Let’s say I had a disagreement with someone, but didn’t have the time or energy to discuss it further, before being married, I’d say “I can’t.  Let’s just talk about it later.”  Now, faced with the same situation, I’d say, “I really can’t decipher how I feel right now.  Can we talk about this tomorrow?  How’s 4:00?”   See, my husband has helped me see the futility of vague communication.  He has encouraged me to speak with as much clarity and intention as possible.  I can’t say I get it right all the time, but in 2 years I’ve come a long way.  It’s not always easy, but it’s always necessary to see my spouse, friend, or parent, not as a bother, but as an agent of change that helps me become more like Christ.

2. God Does Not Want Me To Change Others (especially my spouse) 

I know, I know, this almost sounds like a contradiction to number one, but it’s not.  The first lesson is about me.  The second lesson is about everyone else.  And these two realities explain the tension every married couple has to wrestle with.  When I decided to get married, whether I knew it or not, I decided to serve my spouse.  I decided to choose him over me.  The irony, however, is in serving him, my influence is exponentially greater than if I were to take on the impossible challenge of changing him.

As funny as this may sound, one of the hardest things to accept about my husband is that he doesn’t particularly like sweets/desserts.  Although he’s told me this since our first date, in my mind, it’s unfathomable.  How?  Why? Huh?  Not until recently, I kept telling myself he just hasn’t had the right ice cream sundae or the right person’s grandma’s banana pudding.  He just hasn’t had a bad enough day that can only be assuaged by decadent chocolate.  But after 2 years, that ice cream has never been churned.   That grandma has never existed.  And that day has never come.  I realize now, He just doesn’t do delicious! (lol)  So now I eat to my heart’s content.  I don’t offer.  I don’t feel sorry for him.  I let him be.  There are other examples I could write about, like my husband being a morning person while I don’t even get tired until the morning hours.  Or my husband loving the food network while…well I have to admit that has grown on me a bit.  The point is, he is who he is, and if he never changes I have to not only be ok with it, but I have to embrace it.  Just as I am fearfully and wonderfully made, so is He.  God does the changing, not me. 

In conclusion, marriage is beautiful.  It, more than anything else, has taught me the joy of life is truly the journey, not the destination.  Lucky for me, I get to go on this journey with the wisest, humblest, tallest, darkest, handsomest man in the world!  2 years down…forever to go.

– Sarah

#walkthetalk

31 comments

  1. OH wow absolutely loved this sincere honest insight regarding marriage. It’s good to hear younger people talking about God’s wonderful institution in a positive way!!! I am excited about the possibility of meeting some imperfect guy God has hired to change imperfect me. The bible does speak about iron sharpening iron!!! I want to get married!!!

    1. Thanks for reading Kimberly. Truly marriage is a beautiful thing, but I’ve noticed these same “ironing” experiences within friendships, parental relationships, and even siblings; so married or not you’re covered!

  2. Nice write up. I can say after being married for 32 years, to my best friend, that once you have become one (one unit) , the machine seems to become very strong, and stable. With two separate parts working together to make the ONE unit work correctly. Should one working part become weakened, by either wear and tear, stress, disappointment, breaking of the trust, or even sickness, the other seems to pick up those broken pieces and keep the machine going. Searching for the repair, the way to rest the other part, or to just support that other part. If you two can work together and do that as ONE unit, then you have many more to go. You are correct it is not about changing that other person (part) its about learning to embrace, support , nourish, and love them. That is truly what makes a marriage work. Trust, support. faith, and love. You go girl. You are just beginning. You have many more to become a member of the elite group of us that have stayed married. Its really an accomplishment when you do find that correct person., and truly a blessing

    1. This is really fancinatisg, You are an excessively professional blogger. I’ve joined your rss feed and sit up for in search of extra of your wonderful post. Also, I have shared your website in my social networks

        1. Well expertise, I don’t know. lol But I will say God has taught me a heck of a lot over these past few years! thanks for reading!

  3. Sarah, this is wonderfully written Sis. Thank you for sharing these life lessons – God has given you great wisdom, and you are using to great effect. This Blessed Me – I pray that He continues to Bless you Both. May the journey continue to get sweeter as the days go by!

  4. True words spoken by a true child of God who is being sanctified by God our Father through Jesus Christ His son. One of my favorite verses in scripture is Proverbs 27:17 – “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”

    After eleven years and two kids later, I can tell the difference between my language and my thought process now from what they were when I was single and also when it was just my husband and I. It seems to me that the bigger the size of our family the more tools God has in His tool box to change me and to change the very individuals whom He uses as tools for the change process. After all, I’m also a tool in His toolbox . Any time my 7and 4 year olds throw a tantrum now, I see it as an opportunity for me to exercise my “patience” muscles , although that doesn’t always happen. Anytime I’m frustrated by something my husband does or doesn’t do, I’m reminded by the Holy Spirit to stop, take in a deep breath, and be gracious in my words and actions. Whew! It’s not easy, but thanks be to God for His grace and mercy towards me! Christ in me, the hope of glory.

    1. Selorm I can only imagine how the dynamics change with children involved. God bless you my dear and may your patience be restored <3!!!

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