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The One Question Everyone Should Ask Themselves (before getting married, getting into a relationship or living another day)

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As a single person, this time of year can be very challenging.  With so much love in the air, it’s easy to settle for just about anyone to quiet the pervasive thought of being alone.  It was 3 years ago that I too was single, but finally not eager to mingle.  This marked a very important time in my life because it was then that I determined to “do” me.  And it was years before that, after ending a relationship and almost entering another, that I began the journey of getting to know me.

Getting To Know Me

You may say “Huh? How don’t you know you?!”  But many of us,  are born into families with distinct identities.  Religious families.  Wealthy families.  Uneducated families.  Poverty stricken families.  And this identity is often adopted as our own before actually becoming who we are.  I remember having some of the same teachers my sister had in elementary and middle school and they’d often comment on how different we were.  Well, what did they expect?  We are two different people, right?  She being social and outgoing, while I was more of a loner and shy.  My mother constantly enforced the importance of being ourselves, but even with her urging, there was still pressure to follow in my sister’s footsteps and give in to what seemed to be my prescribed identity.

Not until I experienced hardships and a few heartbreaks did I realize I really didn’t know me. I didn’t know the specific things that separated me from my sister, let alone everyone else in the world.  Without knowing who I truly was, how would I make the right decisions concerning me?  Although I was raised in a Christian home, I wanted to know was I really a Christian.  Did I really believe and subscribe to the tenets of the Christian faith or was it just ingrained in my head?  Although I was raised in a musical family, I wanted to know was I really a musician.  Did I really have enough talent to pursue music as a career?  Although I was raised to value myself and all I had to offer, I wanted to know what about me was valuable and what really did I have to offer.  These were the questions that plagued my mind.  And so I decided to ask them and consequently determine the answers.

Who am I? 

It’s a loaded question, but imperative to answer before entering into a relationship or even a friendship.  It’s actually imperative to answer while simply living life, because it affirms your God-given purpose and forces you to see yourself as God sees you.  Although your answer may evolve over time, knowing yourself, at least for today, can inform a decision that dramatically effects your tomorrow.

A less daunting way to answer the big question is to answer these smaller ones. Ask yourself:

  1. What makes me happy?
  2. What make me sad?
  3. When do I feel most like myself?
  4. When do I feel most uncomfortable?
  5. What has been my biggest accomplishment?
  6. What has been my biggest failure?
  7. If nothing could stop me, what would I do? Why?
  8. Who is God?
  9. What is my relationship like with God?
  10. 10 years from now, who will I be?

Answering these questions won’t prevent you from hardship or heartache but they will keep you grounded in a world full of instability.  People, opportunities, and wealth will come in and out your life for the rest of your life and if you allow their presence or absence to dictate who you are, you will surely be on a roller-coaster that never ends.  Instead, study who God made you to be.   Accept His valuation of your life and never allow your marital status, employment, wealth, education, or anything for that matter, to qualify or validate the uniqueness of you.

Do you know you?

– Sarah


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